Etiquette -- 4 hours ago
Why you never get past the first date
Gentleman, do you feel like your life is a never ending episode of First Dates? Oh, the horror. Sadly, it sounds like you may have a severe case of first date syndrome. Which is a tragical and real thing.
And as you well know, it’s particularly hard to escape this vicious cycle of rejections. One bad date spawns many more – you get your confidence knocked, you lose your A game – and it’s not easy to get it back. But as every jockey knows, when you have a fall, you just have to get back in the saddle. So check you’re not making any of these mistakes, man up and get back in the race.
Maybe you’re being too nice
This may go against everything your Mummy ever taught you but being really nice isn’t going to get you anywhere on a first date. Mind your p’s and q’s, be polite, but don’t over do it with the smiling, nodding and ‘oh, really – how interestings’ – unless you want a one-way ticket to the dreaded friend-zone.
Or worse, you’re not being nice enough
Try too hard to be cool and mysterious (aka how not to get friend-zoned) and you might just come across as rude, or even hostile. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but us ladies pick up on these things easily. So chivalry, good manners, whatever you want to call it – make sure you make full use of them.
You’re leaving it too long between online match and date
Gentleman, avoid this peril of online dating at all costs. If you find someone on Tinder, don’t leave it three weeks to go on a date. All that allows time for is them to either lose interest, or worse, if you’re messaging a lot, you’ll set the bar too high for yourself with your quick witted retorts. Don’t take it personally, but not many people can live up to their hilarious and clever text messages in real life.
You’re really nervous, and that’s making everyone feel awkward
It’s a universally accepted rule that first dates are just a little bit uncomfortable. You’re both on your best behaviour, and you’re both desperately looking for a sign that the person sitting opposite you isn’t mentally unhinged and going to go full Fatal Attraction on you after two dates. But at the end of the day, the only thing you can do is try and relax. Deep breaths and all that. Just don’t hit the bottle too early, which leads me to…
You’re having too many drinks (Dutch courage is overrated)
Oh come on, get a grip. Girls aren’t that scary. And this goes without saying, but for goodness sake don’t get actually drunk on a first date. Ever.
You’re doing all of the talking and she can’t get a word in edgeways
There’s nothing people like more than talking about themselves. Shut up for a minute, and ask a few questions, it’s the easiest way to at least pretend you’re paying attention. And guess what, girls love attention.
You’re being too pushy (not very gentlemanly of you…)
What’s wrong with you? No, we don’t want to hold hands five minutes into our starter. No, we don’t want to play footsy before the main course has even been served. If you’re doing these things, it’s not coming across as affectionate, it’s pushy – and your date will assume you’re only after one thing. Next.
Or maybe, you’re just not that good at dating…
Question, who is actually *good* at dating? Very few of us mere mortals. But if you’re chronically, sweaty-palms, stumbling-over-your-words bad, think of some alternative activities. Don’t just go for the standard drinks in a cool new pop up bar followed by dinner at her favourite ceviche restaurant (although that does sound fun…). Actual sit down dinner dates are (most of the time) overrated. So use your imagination and think of other things to do.
Become a Gentleman’s Journal Member?
Like the Gentleman’s Journal? Why not join the Clubhouse, a special kind of private club where members receive offers and experiences from hand-picked, premium brands. You will also receive invites to exclusive events, the quarterly print magazine delivered directly to your door and your own membership card.
