WHAT YOUR BOROUGH SAYS ABOUT YOU

Last summer I found myself sitting in the Box Park in Shoreditch with a photographer friend of mine. As a committed West Londoner this was not only a rarity, but a serious reality check. In my very west London bound social group most of my friends work in what I would describe as ‘serious jobs’ – they wear suits to work, read the FT and talk about the economy like they really know about it, rather than picking up their facts from the odd Huffington Post article that’s going viral that day, this leaves me as the ‘stylish-creative’ one in the group – not a label I would necessarily give myself, but one that I happily play up to. This said, however, when I found myself in the middle of certain West London boroughs is the epitope of uncool and unstylish in the uber-trendy Shoreditch. Maybe I was being paranoid, but when the pink haired, pierced faced girl to my left uttered the statement “The thang I just luuurv about London is that it’s like 5 different cities all in one ,with their own boundaries and tribes”, I could have sworn that this was a not-so-subtle comment on the fact that I should grab my cashmere cardigan and get the hell back to whichever of the other 4 cities I came from. (I don’t really own a cashmere a cardigan by the way – just saying). Anyway, insecurities aside, the pink haired woman had a point, London really is just a load of stereotypical tribes driven by boroughs, that fit neatly under the umbrella term of ‘London’. So, after much discussion, we’ve taken the liberty of (very narrow-mindedly) explaining what it is that your borough says about you. (NB – for the sake of sanity and a potential chuckle these are raging stereotypes and by no mean solely define you or neighbour)

CAMDEN, Trendy music and media types., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM….at a gig, or drinking pints with a friend of a friend who, like, used to jam with Pete and Amy (that’s Doherty & Winehouse fyi), MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, A new piercing and tattoo, MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, I’m throwing an all day and night party by the lock – you must swing by.

WANDSWORTH, No longer seen as fearful ‘south of the river’ territory, nor is it just for families. With rapidly rising housing prices, many of the west London borough-dwelling locals are migrating south of the river, taking their red cords with them., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM…., At a dinner party or playing some kind of sport on ‘The Common’, MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, A quilted barber with nike air max, MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, Did I ever tell you about my days at Uni when I used to DJ?

KENSINGTON & CHELSEA, As smart and pompous today as it was in your fathers generation. Forget the awful bunch on MIC, Kensington & Chelsea includes the cool clan of Notting Hill, Ladbrook Grove and Kensal Rise through to the iconic Sloane Square and South Kensington – holding about 5 different sub tribes within it’s boundaries., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM…., Sipping mimosas at The Bluebird for brunch, shopping on Portobello or taking over the dance floor at any of the Sloane Square nightclubs, most likely because their ‘mates with guy’ so like, always get free entry., MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, Designer labels mixed with high street and the odd vintage bomber thrown in from some Notting Hill favourite., MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, I’ve got to grab something from Whole Foods, but I’ll be at The Roof Garden’s as soon as pos.

WESTMINSTER, Everyone knows that there is no smarter post code than one beginning with a ‘W’ – Full of the wealthiest Londoners about (most of which probably aren’t actual full-time Londoners), the Lamborghini driving, Novikov-frequenting sort of men that most others wish they were, or rather wish they had matching bank balances., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM…., Shopping for their wives on Bond Street, MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, Tom Ford or D & G suit., MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, We only spend a few months of the year in our Mayfair penthouse, because of tax reasons, but the private jet makes travelling back and forth a doddal.

HAMMERSMITH & FULHAM, Recently described by our very own editor as ‘ghastly and full of sloanes and red trousers’, probably since it has “become gentrified” since it’s inhabitants were priced out of their preferred Chelsea, a lot of floppy haired, plumy types, but don;t let that put you off – each to their own and all., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM…., At one of their favourite Parson’s Green pubs or en route to anywhere in Chelsea, MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, Red trousers, oxford collars and Barbours, MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, I’m planning a weekend at my third home in (insert relevant county) next weekend – so pack your wellies and bring your gun dogs.

ISLINGTON, Mainly young professionals who have managed to break away from West London and are discovering that there is indeed more to life than they originally thought., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM…., Working in the City, MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, A smart work suit, MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, I’ll come for one drink, but I need to be back in the Office at 5am to speak to the Asian Market.

HACKNEY, The fashionistas dominate this incredibly cool borough. Full of artists, designers, photographers and generally uber cool, mainly vegan, but still fur (It’s vintage though) wearing borough., MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM…, At a mates gig in Hoxton Square, before going to dim sum in Shoreditch and cocktails at a rooftop bar in Dalston., MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING…, All black everything from a quirky label they discovered on a weekend in Berlin or Stockholm, MOST LIKELY TO SAY…, My super-model girlfriend and I are in the process of converting our waterfront warehouse into a studio-come-home-come-office-boutique-pop-up-shop

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