Words: Patrick
While I wouldn’t for one minute suggest that Jeremy Clarkson is the epitome of a gentleman, I’m still a big fan. Nothing quite gets me into gear for the week ahead like Top Gear on a Sunday night at 8pm. It’s a ritual, however scripted and over the top it may be, but since it was ripped off the air by BBC bosses following the star’s lack-of-steak-fuelled fracas with a producer, the Sunday Blues have dragged me deep into her dark chasm, before spitting me out onto the tube at rush hour on Monday morning.
Like a drug addict needs their next hit, there are millions of TG junkies missing their fix of the Clarkson, May and Hamster triad. We all know, of course, that he’s irreplaceable, but while having to occupy myself through other means last night I got to considering who could take up the baton…
SENSIBLE
Chris Evans, The most feasible option, Evans is a thoroughbred petrolhead who made headline news across the motoring world when he splashed out £12million on a 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO. The 48-year-old would surely rise to the challenge, with the skills of being a presenter already running through his veins.
FUNNY
Karl Pilkington, After considerable thought, this has to be my number 1 choice to replace Jezza. Just imagine that show! Main man of An Idiot Abroad, I can see his gloomy temperament fitting right into the mix, with a guaranteed laugh a minute. Sunday evenings would take on a new meaning.
SERIOUS
Idris Elba, The man that seems to be in line to every reputed position going on TV at the moment, Idris is about as cool as they come in the 21st century. Rumoured to be the next man to earn the 007 marque, and currently starring in his own motoring show, King of Speed, he would certainly be up for any golden envelope challenge thrown at him.
ENTERTAINING
Boris Johnson, Because, it’s bloody Boris. For sheer entertainment value, who could be better? Eloquent, a little crazy and seemingly willing to give just about anything a shot, I feel that he’d be the perfect fit to keep the millions tuned in.
CONTROVERSIAL
Piers Morgan, Clarkson’s long-time nemesis, and not Britain’s most popular man in general (although that’s not an essential asset to be the front man of TG – in fact, it probably helps not to be.) Outspoken he is, however, and while he may not have the charisma of Clarkson, his inevitable smugness in replacing the man who broke his finger while punching him in the face would be hugely palpable, making it a must watch.
SIMILAR
Frankie Boyle, A man of many metaphors and similes, and not everyone’s cup of tea, Frankie Boyle is someone who says it how it is – or invariably isn’t, but he says it anyway. A spade is a spade, etc. Undoubtedly, he’d be controversial to the point where he didn’t so much ruffle a feather or two but rather pluck the bird in one foul swoop. It would be short-lived chaos.
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