Etiquette -- 18 days ago
The best sex toys: Tools for connection, pleasure and self-discovery
A certified sex coach reveals his pick of the best men's, women's and couples' sex toys for curiosity, connection, and confidence
Sex toys are becoming essential to many couples’ and individuals’ journeys toward deeper connection, self-awareness, and sexual fulfilment. However the constant barrage of newer, better and more innovative designs can be overwhelming to the point that many don’t even know where to begin. We spoke with certified sex coach Alex Grendi for his expert take on the best sex toys out there...
For men and women alike, sex toys can enhance pleasure, tackle performance anxiety and build intimacy without the pressure to “perform.” This guide breaks down the best sex toys focusing on education, holistic practices, and self-development.
Whether you're looking to explore new dimensions of pleasure, wanting to last longer and prolong the time with your partner or address performance anxiety issues like erectile dysfunction, these recommendations are tailored to promote curiosity, connection, and confidence.
For men: Prostate pleasure and self-discovery, breaking taboos
For many men, the idea of exploring prostate stimulation can feel intimidating or even embarrassing due to lingering societal taboos. However, the prostate – sometimes referred to as the “male G-spot” – is a highly sensitive area that can unlock new realms of pleasure. Beyond pleasure, prostate massage has also been linked to better overall sexual health.
By embracing prostate stimulation, men can gain a deeper understanding of their bodies, reduce shame, and build confidence in their sexual experiences.
Top toy recommendation for men
The Aneros line of prostate massagers is specifically designed to help men explore prostate stimulation safely and effectively. Known for their ergonomic design and hands-free functionality, Aneros toys are ideal for both beginners and advanced users.
- Why it works:
- Beginner-friendly options like the Aneros Helix Syn Trident provide gentle stimulation to help men ease into the experience.
- Hands-free use allows men to focus on relaxation and sensation without needing to worry about controlling the toy.
- Regular use promotes prostate health and overall sexual health.
- How to use:
- Start with plenty of water-based lubricant to ensure comfort.
- Lie in a comfortable position, relax, and breathe deeply to release tension.
- Allow the toy to stimulate your prostate without applying too much pressure – focus on the sensations and explore what feels good.
Shifting the focus to women’s pleasure
Sex toys aren’t just tools for personal pleasure – they can also be a way for men to deepen intimacy with their partners without the pressure to perform or penetrate. Focusing entirely on a partner’s pleasure can be incredibly liberating and fulfilling, especially for men who struggle with performance anxiety or self-doubt in the bedroom.
Creating a night just for her
The key to creating a night solely focused on her pleasure is the removal of any expectation for penetration or reciprocation. This is an opportunity to explore her desires and deepen your connection.
Steps to create a memorable night for her:
- Set the mood: Create an inviting atmosphere with candles, soft music and a cozy space.
- Set clear boundaries: Communicate that the focus is entirely on her pleasure – this night is about her feeling seen, valued and adored.
- Explore her body: Use your hands, lips, and toys to discover what she enjoys. Be attentive to her responses and take your time.
Top toy recommendation for women
Designed to pleasure the entire clitoris (the visible and invisible parts) and G-Spot, the Enigma pulsates and flutters in all the right places for an orgasm she won’t forget.
- Why it works:
- Stimulating the G-spot and all of the clitoris at the same time means you don’t have to choose where to pleasure her.
- Feels like oral – the sonic waves mimic the feeling of deep, rhythmic stimulation, making it more intense than a standard vibrator.
- Adjustable power – with eight different settings, you can start slow and build up or go straight to the deep, toe-curling vibrations.
- How to use
- Apply water-based lubricant to ensure a smooth and comfortable experience.
- Position the external stimulator over the clitoris while the internal arm gently rests inside the vaginal canal to stimulate the G-spot.
- Experiment with different settings and pressure levels to find what feels best. Relax, breathe and focus on the sensations to fully embrace the experience.
For Couples: Enhancing connection together
Sex toys aren’t just about individual pleasure – they’re a powerful way to deepen intimacy as a couple. Exploring toys together can build trust, encourage open communication, and take the pressure off performance by shifting the focus to mutual discovery.
Couples toy recommendation
The Lelo Tiani Duo is perfect if you want to turn up the heat in the bedroom together. This wearable vibrator is designed to be worn during sex, giving both partners extra stimulation at the same time. It has two arms – one that rests inside to stimulate the G-spot and another that sits against the clitoris, delivering deep vibrations.
Why it’s worth trying:
- Enhances pleasure for both partners – It doesn’t just stimulate her; the vibrations can be felt by both partners during penetration.
- Hands-free and discreet – Once it’s in place, you can focus on each other without needing to hold or adjust anything.
- Remote-control fun – Comes with a wireless remote, so you (or your partner) can play with intensity levels without stopping the action.
How to use It:
- Apply a bit of water-based lube for easy insertion and use.
- Insert the smaller arm inside, letting the larger arm rest against the clitoris.
- Use the remote (or let your partner take control) to cycle through eight different intensity settings and find what feels best.
Why these toys help address performance anxiety
For men, incorporating sex toys into their lives can shift the narrative from “performing” to “exploring”. Tools like the Aneros massager encourage men to discover their own pleasure and gain confidence in understanding their bodies, while toys for their partner allow them to focus on giving rather than worrying about “performing”.
By fostering curiosity, communication and connection, these tools create a foundation for sexual confidence and satisfaction.
Final Thoughts
Sex toys are more than just objects – they’re tools for self-discovery, deeper connection and enhanced pleasure. For men, exploring prostate stimulation with devices like Aneros can break taboos, improve sexual health and build confidence. Shifting the focus to a partner’s pleasure, using toys designed for women, can remove the pressure to perform and create unforgettable shared experiences.
If you’re ready to transform your sex life, embrace these tools with an open mind and a sense of adventure. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection – it’s connection, curiosity and mutual growth.
For men looking to overcome performance anxiety with direct coaching and guidance you can check out my website here.
For ongoing tips & free advice, check out my YouTube channel here.
Want more sex advice? We examine why performance anxiety is so common right now…
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