Words: Harry Shukman
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness,” Oscar Wilde once said, which is music to the ears of the 10 million members of Wall Street Bets. The raucous Reddit forum, which sees itself as David taking on the financial establishment’s Goliath, will be delighted to learn that their sworn enemy has started imitating their esoteric, x-rated lingo.
Ever since WSB formed back in 2012 to swap stock tips and behind-the-bike-sheds gags, it has embraced its underdog status. This unruly rabble of amateur day traders call themselves degenerates, retards, and autists, in a send-up of what the real Wall Street thinks about them. Make no mistake: these guys have adversaries, especially after the GameStop phenomenon back in January, when the WSB army started bidding on the stock, costing financial firms that had shorted it around $19 billion. Among their detractors were Leon Cooperman, the billionaire investor, who denounced these traders as “people sitting at home, getting their checks from the government”, adding in true-Trump style: “I’m not saying they’re stupid.”
Bloomber does its best to keep up with the Reddit forum’s behind-the-bike-sheds slang
But now the tables have turned, with the great and good of Wall Street imitating the mediocre members of WSB. Young masters of the universe say the slang that has evolved from the primordial ooze of WSB has found its way onto the trading floors and offices of major banks and hedge funds. Suddenly there’s talk among the venerable Wall Street institutions of diamond hands (which are strong enough to hold positions through thick and thin), toilet paper hands (which are too weak), and one’s wife’s boyfriend (don’t even ask). Even Jim Cramer, host of Mad Money, the CNBC business TV show, teased one of his colleagues on air last month for not knowing about diamond hands.
The creator of Litquidity, a must-follow Instagram account for Wall Street hotshots, says that WSB terms have taken on a life of their own. “Phrases like ‘diamond hands’, ‘yolo’, and ‘tendies’ are used in the context of large financial transactions or hedge fund investments,” he tells Gentleman’s Journal. While it’s mainly the younger crowd who use these tongue-in-cheek terms, Litquidity’s anonymous creator adds that followers of his finance newsletter, Exec Sum, say that even managing directors have taken to speaking of “tech stocks getting clapped” and “the market getting rekt yesterday”.
However, sources from within London firms say WSB lingo has yet to permeate their offices to the same extent as their American counterparts. On this side of the pond, a sleazy uncle jokiness characterises banking patter — insiders consulted for this article provided a list of favourite one-liners overheard on business calls like “Reach up your skirt and grab a pair!” and “My grandmother could have sold those bonds!” and “Only footballers make money from passing!” and “We’re not talking about door numbers, my son!”
“Only footballers make money from passing!”
As the London banking sources suggest, much of City slang evolved slowly in old school institutions with a strong sense of tradition. For example, to say “ten million” you could say an “Ayrton”, meaning Ayrton Senna, or tenner. Never mind that Senna, the racing driver, died in 1994, long before many of the young traders riffing on his name developed object permanence. WSB slang by contrast comes sprinting out of the frenetic world of the internet, where new phrases can be invented and picked up instantly.
WSB certainly has its own dirty words — you wouldn’t want to have to explain to your mum why you’re using the word “retard” — but their backstory only dates back a year or two at most. Still, there’s something a bit more childlike about the way WSB speaks. We’ve had the basics, such as the various strengths of hand and the importance of cuckoldry within the WSB movement. There’s also YOLO — you only live once — which embodies the balls-to-the-wall, against-all-odds spirit of the traders, who take on positions that Wall Street pros wouldn’t dream of. This is the attitude that encapsulates much of WSB, which encourages death-defying trades while acknowledging a severe lack of business acumen. Users call themselves “apes” and talk like characters from Rise of the Planet of the Apes, as if they were primates who had recently stopped grooming each other and learned to type and assist each other with trading advice. Hence the phrase: “Ape strong together.”
This financial illiteracy comes up in another frequently repeated quote: “it literally can’t go tits up”, in honour of a user named 1R0NYMAN, who posted these Icarian words after putting through a number of extremely ill-advised box spreads that did in fact go tits up. He lost $60,000.
Much WSB slang could be seen as teasing fellow members who made terrible, life-alteringly bad decisions. There is a lot of discussion about how WSB users don’t know what they’re doing. “Guh” is a frequently commented word, in a nod to a member called ControlTheNarrative, who livestreamed himself losing $50,000 on Robinhood, a trading app. In the video, you can see, as one commenter points out, the moment at which Control’s soul leaves his body as he comes to terms with his mistake. He grimaces, and makes a little noise that sounds like “guh”.
Equally popular are references and puns about gourds after a user named TheEmperorOfJenks, claimed to have invested his entire life savings of $17,500 in ornamental gourd futures. His inexpert analysis of soil conditions in Mexico led this trader to bet hard on a poor agricultural yield of gourds and a subsequently high price per gourd. “Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for Thanksgiving, and prices plummeted,” he wrote, as commenters tried to figure out if he was for real or not, concluding that he probably was. “I am ruined.”
"Much WSB slang teases fellow members who made terrible, life-alteringly bad decisions..."
There are also references to “pee martinis” – after one user bet fellow WSB-heads that if SPY, a popular fund that tracks the Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, closed green that day, he would widdle in a glass and drink it. It did close green. The resulting video takes place in the basement of a user named BryGuySaysHi and it depicts a young man standing in his basement, micturating into a martini glass, and drinking it. It is exactly as bleak as it sounds.
Perhaps these are the nicher gags and in-jokes that are unlikely to cross-pollinate into the real world of Wall Street (although you should ask yourself, if you work in finance, how many of your colleagues would drink a pee martini if the price was right). More common would be references to being “smooth brained”, to denote a lack of intelligence”, talking about “tendies” instead of money, a reference to the fried chicken tenders beloved of internet oddballs, and calling Jerome Powell, the chairman of the Federal Reserve, “daddy”, for keeping interest rates near zero.
A helpful guide on the WSB forum advises a few more, like: “first one is free”, where you make money on your first trade despite being clueless, and “investing in rope”, where you seek drastic exit options from a bad deal. All useful tips, but as a commenter points out, summing up WSB once and for all: “This would be so helpful if I could read.”
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