Humanity just hit a low point. We bring you the Champagne gun

I see your gold-wrapped garage racking up the parking tickets in Knightsbridge, and I raise you, the Champagne Gun. For your money-touting playboy or hedonistic billionaire, the party just got amped up a notch with an invention that’s part water gun, part automatic weapon.

Why anyone feels the need to enter their credit card information in the purchase of this is beyond us. But then again, who decides to wrap a Rolls-Royce in velvet? Or drag race camouflaged Lamborghinis up-and-down residential Mayfair streets?

DJ Khaled, Dan Bilzerian and Travers Beynon, we’re sure, have already stocked an arsenal of alcoholic ammunition and weaponry to fire it from. Whilst the local nightclubs in Brentwood and Croydon probably delighted in their first shipment. Fortunately, or unfortunately – depending on your point of view -, the mouth-breathers who will be “getting mortal” with their rose-gold champagne gun won’t risk too much damage, apart from to their credibility. The bubbly bullets aren’t reaching speeds capable of taking eyes out – although travelling an impressive 20 feet for about 45 seconds at a time.

Of course, if you want to be a bit more delicate, you can release the trigger and pour as normal into glasses – as opposed to spraying shirts, faces, bare chests or whichever parts of human anatomy may be in the immediate vicinity. And if that wasn’t all enough to dissuade you from the purchase, here’s 49 seconds of video that our galactic overlords will broadcast when they hold a referendum on whether to make our species extinct.

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