Etiquette -- 6 days ago
Last week Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch announced their engagement after a four-month whirlwind romance. Hall is 59, Murdoch is 84. This will be the media magnate’s 4th marriage. Murdoch’s previous wife Wendy Deng is only 49. So, aside from the comfortable networth of $12.4 billion, how does he do it?
If you yourself are planning on doing a Murdoch/Rod Stewart/Olivier Sarkozy and dating a lady considerably younger than yourself, there’s a few things you need to know first. Because when it comes to cross-generation dating, the devil is most definitely in the detail…
First things first, know your audience. What makes you more attractive than your younger rivals?
(Image: David Shankbone)
In most cases, an higher age means more maturity. And more often than not that’s what a girl looks for in a man.
Self-assuredness is of course something that comes with time. I think most of my female friends would agree that even though a man may be a few years out of university, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s grown up or responsible. Lad culture takes a long time to die.
“Older men often care more about what actually matters to them,” observes 23-year-old Underwriter Fiona. “They are less likely to hang out in these irritating packs, and say immature things. Even at our age this still seems to happen!”
22-year-old nurse Saskia agrees. “An older man equals stability and self-assurance,” she states. “They are more aware of their own feelings and are not afraid to show them to you. They are more worldly-wise and know what they want from life. My mother also always says I need an older man for these reasons. And they are just sexier. Period.”
Because nothing improves a man like a bit of responsibility.
“I think responsibility is very important for men to become better people, more so than with women,” Fiona continues. “I think they really thrive when they have it… A friend of mine is 28 and she is engaged to a 45-year-old, and I always notice how devoted he is to her. She knows how much he loves her and isn’t afraid to make it clear to others and to her. And he never gets embarrassed about looking too keen.”
Which may well come down to women and men maturing at different speeds.
(Image: Rex)
I’m not sure if this has ever been proven, really, but for biological reasons alone women do have, shall we say, a slight inclination to be more responsible than men the same age as them. So younger women dating older men technically makes quite a lot of sense.
“Whenever I split up with any boyfriend, my mother always tells me she thinks I should be with an older man,” says 22-year-old landscape gardener Rachel. “Hopefully she isn’t referring to the octogenarian demographic, but she thinks I have an ‘old soul’. Which, to be honest, is probably the last thing I want to hear from my mother, especially when I have just broken up with a young, fully-mobile, lithe 20-something who isn’t fretting about his pension…”
Now for the even finer details. Because you’re older, does that mean you should automatically pay for everything? (Spoiler: absolutely not, it’s 2016)
This issue is unavoidable and definitely not exclusive to relationships where there is a big age gap. Who pays for what is, and whether that causes an imbalance in a relationship is well-trodden ground, and of course in most scenarios you should play it by ear. There is no hard and fast rule.
However, some of the women I spoke to did have some thoughts on the matter to help you navigate this complicated territory.“I might potentially be more likely to let older men pay because it would seem a lot less like a gender issue, as presumably he would be earning quite a bit more” explains Fiona. “On the other hand, I may well be conscious of the concept of the ‘sugar daddy’, and could be even more aware of not wanting to fulfil this stereotype.”
On that note: a quick lesson in the difference between a ‘Sugar Daddy’ and a ‘normal gent dating a younger women.’
This is very simple. If the relationship is based around a financial transaction rather than a romantic one, and you’re paying for your squeeze’s higher education, rent or nights out with the girls, then you are, dear Sir, a Sugar Daddy. Each to their own.
Which leads me to my final point: the heart wants what it wants.
In the touching words of Stephen Fry’s 33-year-his-junior partner Spencer: “I don’t care what people think. Stephen is the love of my life, the light of my life.”
And that is that. After all, a gentleman doesn’t spare too much thought to what other people think.
(Main image: Reuters)
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