Etiquette -- 5 hours ago
How to behave on the Tube
In the capital, it’s a way of life – here’s how to navigate the chaotic tangle with as much grace as Underground life will allow
Unless you’re one of the lucky few who’s managed to avoid the Tube – perhaps you’ve inherited the family chauffeur, or maybe you just stay within the SW3 bubble – then you’ll know of the moshpit on the Victoria/Piccadilly/Northern et al. line come rush hour, morning and afternoon. Faces pressed against backs; the build-up of commuter condensation; the inevitable breaking of the faulty track lights. It’s a game of mind over matter, rather than a way to and from the office. (It must be noted that this experience is not limited to London – similar occurrences are common on the New York subway, the metro in Barcelona, and the like.)
Manners on such transport systems are a medley of acquiescence, frustration and passive aggression – but for those of you who believe that the art of civil behaviour still lives strong in everyday acts, just try to follow these few simple rules when next tapping in...
1. Don’t linger at the barriers
The cardinal sin of Tube travel is ruffling about for your wallet, stopping, then waiting for the barriers to close before swiping your own card. There’s no need; prepare in advance and know that you can enter even with the gateways still open. Lingering is not the modus operandi of the everyday Londoner, so get your Natwest/Monzo/Oyster ready with plenty of time, let the person ahead through, and tap in approximately one second after, leading with your tapping arm (moving your body ahead of the tap motion will cause delays due to sensors).
2. Don’t stand on the left-hand side of the escalator
This is when pass-agg Brits will actually lose it – you can expect all sorts of profanities, sly digs and razor-sharp looks as you get barged past on this free-walking slice of real estate. Whenever in doubt, just look at the people ahead and get in line.
3. Help those with heavy luggage
It never astounds us the number of times we see people struggling up broken escalators with heavy, ripping-at-the-seams suitcases and everyone just runs on past them. If time allows, lend a hand and some muscle. The same applies to parents with buggies.
4. Give up your seat when appropriate
A true gent (if he can) should stand up for any woman on the Tube, regardless of her age, level of pregnancy, etc. He should probably also stand for any older men – and while we’re at it, parents with young kids, people with heavy bags and anyone who seems to have sustained an injury of any kind (sprained wrists and broken thumbs included) should also be treated this way.
5. Move inside the carriage
Despite how many times it’s blasted over the speakers at rush hour, people still seem to forget this commuting fundamental. We know, the ends of each carriage are preferable (the seats are glorious thrones, too, but that goes without saying), but a smoother ride for all comprises you – if needed – moving down into the aisle, even if that means the unsavoury act of holding onto the handles. Similarly, backpacks must always be held at the side; clanging around with your turtleshell is bad, distasteful form.
6. Do not eat hot food
Cold sandwiches, acceptable. Protein and cereal bars, completely fine. Everyone’s on the Huel these days, so we’re cool with that, especially as it’s in a bottle. A doner from the local? Whopper? Leon box? Not a chance.
7. Cover your mouth
Did everyone forget the pandemic? Regardless of how far you are to the next person, and even if you don’t think you’re ill, cover those coughs.
8. Turn down the volume
We love Wretch 32. We love 1990s shoegaze. Stevie Wonder is phenomenal. Bob Dylan – big thumbs up. But we don’t want to hear any of it from your tinny phone speakers. (If needing some assistance, try our headphones roundup…)
9. Do not stare
When trying to zone out from the day, stare at shoes. For all other staring, keep it for the evening Netflix binge. Everyone’s already uncomfortable enough.
10. Do not block the closing doors
And, finally, do not be that guy. If you’re on the Victoria line, just wait that extra two minutes for the next arrival. If anywhere else, just wish yourself good luck. Delays are part of the journey (didn’t Anthony Bourdain say something like that?); we’re sure your chauffeured boss will understand…
Want more etiquette advice? Here’s how to master the handshake…
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