First impressions count: what she notices on a date

A friend of mine was set up last week, and took the plunge to go on a blind date with someone that she’d never met – let alone seen a photo of. She said that, although the date went relatively smoothly in the end, she couldn’t help but think less of him because he arrived 20 minutes late without any rhyme or reason, let alone much of an apology. This, gentlemen, matters. But you should already know this. You should also know that someone didn’t just pull ‘first impressions count’ out of thin air.

Girls notice everything – and I mean everything – about you. Things that you probably don’t even think about, like the way that you styled your hair that day, or whether you went in for a handshake or a kiss. You already know the importance of making an effort, but to avoid situations like arriving 20 minutes late for your very first date with someone, these are the things that she’s actually going to notice about you.

You need to always, always work on your manners. Whether this covers pulling your date’s chair out for her, paying for the bill or eating with your mouth closed – manners are something that you should never ever skimp on. Your mother didn’t lay into you for half of your childhood just to annoy you: she was actually making a point.

Even if the date you’re on has been an absolute disaster, and even if you never plan on seeing the girl in question again, you still need to pay the bill. And no, it’s not old fashioned to hold the door open for a girl, to take her coat from her when she walks in and to greet her with a kiss on each cheek. You’re a gentleman, and you need to make sure you act like one – all the time.

Superficial as this may sound, your hair is equally as important and one of the very first things she’s going to notice about you. How kempt you appear the first time she meets you will say a lot more about you than you might initially think, and trust me when I say that she’ll be able to tell a lot about you by the way that you wear your hair (or lack of, which is a good thing, too).

And while we’re on the subject, we may as well delve into the deep territory of the much-debated facial hair. The length you choose to grow your beard is important. Forget trying to fit in with the ‘hipster’ crowd for a moment and think about whether a girl is going to dig the beard or not. If you insist on having a full one, please gentlemen, keep it clean. No one wants to kiss a face that feels like sandpaper.

Photo by Gary Houlder for Gentleman’s Journal

What you choose to wear on a first date (or any date, for that matter) says a lot about you. You need to make sure that you don’t cross the fine line between wearing baggy, ripped jeans and wearing a three-piece suit, but your style is something that you need to work on if you ever have any hope of winning a woman over.

The majority of women will prefer their man subtle; one who goes for something slightly muted but still stylish – like a plain white shirt and a trusty pair of chinos – over an outlandish outfit that will draw unwanted attention. Make sure that your clothes fit properly, that you’ve invested in the right accessories and you’re confident about the way you look. And remember, women notice everything so please, for the love of God, iron your shirt.

We’re amazed at the amount of gentlemen who seem to lack the basic grasps for pretty simple and straightforward conversation. It is not enough to just ask her how her day was, not really listen to the answer and then proceed to talk about your day, what happened to you the night before and what you’re doing over the weekend, without really stopping to think about the fact that she doesn’t care.

She’s more interested in creating actual conversation that the both of you can enjoy rather than hearing all about you, you, you. Find out about her, what interests her and what her passions are, and you’ll be all the more likely to have her on board for a second date.

And last but by no means least is one of my personal pet hates – the thoroughly important matter of eye contact. There is nothing more rude or more obnoxious than failing to look your date in the eye when she’s talking to you and you’re talking to her. By looking away, you’ve instantly lost her attention: she’ll assume that you’re more interested in whatever else is going on in the room and will, deep down, feel instantly disheartened because you’re acting like you don’t care about what she has to say. It’s not hard, gentlemen. Look at her.

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