How to be the perfect dinner party guest

The dinner party: table plans, proper food and real, stimulating conversation. And as a great way to catch up with old friends and make new ones, a decent dinner do makes those Saturdays of yesteryear counting downed pints of lager in a dingy basement pale into insignificance.

But with heightened standards of respectability come heightened standards of expected behaviour – and many of us have seen that episode of The Bear to know what not to do at a dinner gathering if you intend on leaving with any of the dignity you arrived with. Not bringing up past pains and firing forks at each other are good places to start. So, here are a few more tips to improve your status…

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There are few things in this world more annoying than someone who doesn’t reply to an invite or, worst of all, cancels the night before. Being the person who pulls out at the last minute is a stain that can tarnish your reputation indefinitely. A valid excuse may just warrant you some exoneration, but a bad hangover or a cricket match you hadn’t realised was on simply won’t make the cut.

So, you’ve been given a time of arrival. We know, you know and your host definitely knows that this isn’t when you’re going to arrive. You aren’t expected to be on the dot, but holding people up when appetites are growing won’t put you at the top of the list when the next party swings around. But, just as importantly, don’t turn up early. Your host will not appreciate being seen in an apron and Crocs hours before kick-off.

An easy option is to call ahead, that morning or the day before, and enquire as to anything you may be able to bring. Potentially a risky one in the case you’re asked to pull together a last-minute apple crumble for 24 hungry mouths, but more often than not it’s met with a “no, don’t be silly. Just bring yourself.” This means surprise me – use your imagination or go down the safe road. A bottle of something red or white or sweet always does the trick.

If it’s an informal gathering, you might get away with this. But with a table plan organised and a calculated amount of food, as is the case with most dinner parties, this will go down as well as polystyrene fingers on a blackboard.

Surely you don’t need reminding. But just in case, be interesting and interested. If you’re going to slump at the table, moaning about the longest week of your life and whether or not you’re going to die alone, stay at home. No-one wants to get sat next to that person. Why not brush up on some of the topics of the day?

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Good food? Let your host know. A bit of appreciation goes a long way when said chef has spent most of the afternoon chaotically whizzing around the kitchen. And if the food isn’t good? Lie.

You aren’t at a restaurant, so don’t be scared to offer a lending hand in clearing plates, filling wine glasses, making coffee, etc.

With food cleared, digestivos enjoyed and the evening winding down, pick your moment to depart. If the host is yawning and glancing at their watch, you’ve stayed too long.

You really don’t want to be the guest who spends his entire evening like a dog on heat, pairs with one of the guests – probably the closest friend of your host – refuses to call them and ruins any chance of a future invite. Word of such conduct spreads fast.

Had a good evening as a guest? Your turn to play host now.

Want more etiquette advice? Here’s how to buy a drink for a stranger at a bar…