The complete guide to gentlemanly conduct
Words: Guy Aubrey Devito
Etiquette guides are considered somewhat archaic these days, but with more and more people behaving in an uncouth manner, it seems that the need for them is greater than ever. This complete guide to gentlemanly conduct will take you through the essential etiquette for the 21st century gentleman.
DISCRETION IS ESSENTIAL
Discretion is an essential component of gentlemanly conduct and is important, if not easily explained. In layman’s terms, discretion simply means keeping your mouth shut and not speaking about the affairs of others whilst with company.
LEARN THE LOST ART OF LETTER WRITING
These days the number of so-called ‘refined’ individuals that fail to write letters is shocking. Quite simply, if you stay with people you don’t know well, a thank you letter is very necessary. Likewise, if you receive an invitation through the post to a wedding or party, you should respond by mail – not by phone, email or, God forbid, Facebook.
SALUTATION AND VALEDICTION IN LETTERS
Be sure to use the correct terms of address when writing a letter; If you know the person’s name, it’s Dear Mr, Dr, Lady etc, if you don’t know them it’s Dear Sir (increasingly Sir or Madam). When signing off your letter it’s Yours faithfully if you don’t know them, or Yours sincerely if you do. Unless of course you’re American in which case it’s Yours truly instead of faithfully. American’s also tend to reverse their valedictions i.e. Sincerely yours…
OFFERING YOUR SEAT
If you find yourself on the metro or the train, you should always be prepared to give up your seat to those who are physically impaired, pregnant or old. Modern social mores dictate that you should not, in usual circumstances, give your seat up to a woman under 50 as it might be construed as an act of male chauvinism.
VISITING THE ‘LOO’
A gentleman never visits the toilet – he visits the loo or the lavatory. Toilet is such a vulgar, and dare I say it, common term for the facilities that even using slang terms such as john, bog and gents is more acceptable. In North America of course, restroom, bathroom and washroom are all acceptable terms.
ADDRESSING STRANGERS
When addressing strangers ‘mate’ is only acceptable if the person in question is male and of a similar age to you. Otherwise you should address men as ‘sir’ (‘mister’ in the US) and women as madam (‘ma’am’ in the US).
UNDERSTANDING YOUR SURROUNDINGS
As you will probably have noticed, there are several distinctions between US and North American etiquette and British etiquette and really this brings us to the crux of gentlemanly conduct. A gentleman understands the mood of his surroundings and adapts accordingly – you might be in Turkey or Timbuktu and you would have to act completely differently in each place.
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