Words: Jonathan Wells
Before you get your backs up; we know — arguing of any kind can’t really be considered gentlemanly. But, although you may not like it, these conflicts and confrontations should be a part of your daily life. If they’re not, then you’re living life too safely. After all, a couple of ruffled feathers prove that you’re making an impression.
And, so long as you’re not initiating these sparring sessions, it still pays to have a couple of barbed and well-chosen retorts in your back pocket. This way, you can shut down any argument as quickly — and quietly — as possible. So have a read, and commit a couple of these civilised slights and snubs to memory. You’ll thank us later.
I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat
People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes
You are proof that God has a sense of humour
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind
In the land of the witless, you would be king
I’d prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed
I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion
You sir, are the reason god created the middle finger
Sometimes I need what only you can provide, your absence
Your inferiority complex is fully justified
You have delusions of adequacy
I’ve been called worse things by better people
I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong
I like the way you try
It is impossible to underestimate you
I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you
Isn’t it rather dangerous to use one’s entire vocabulary in a single sentence?
The fact that nobody understands you doesn’t make you an artist
I like your approach. Now let’s see your departure…
Want more etiquette advice? Here are 10 scientific ways to be more attractive to women…,
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