Words: Holly
Of all the pearls of wisdom that my mother has impressed upon me (of which there are enough to string together an entire metaphorical necklace, matching bracelet and even anklet if I so desired), none have stuck with me more than these – due mainly in part to the fact that I strongly disagree with them, but as I get older I’m irritated by the truth that lies within them – “there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a man and a woman”. False though I may once have believed this to be, the woman has a point.
If, hypothetically speaking, I were married, I can imagine I would probably take objection to my husband going for dinner with other women one on one, I would find it slightly strange if he was constantly texting said women and find it even stranger if he found himself ‘crashing’ at hers after nights out (read as: I would totally lose my shit). Yet after a quick and totally unscientific survey of my male and female friends it would appear that we are all guilty of such behaviour (minus the marriage aspect).
We are all convinced that we have best friends who are both male and female – I for one have various male friends that I would ring after a break up, crisis or bereavement before I’d call certain female best friends and vice versa because as I constantly tell myself, we have purely platonic relationships, but do we? A certain iconic dialogue springs to mind when these discussions arise over dinner tables, it is of course from ‘When Harry met Sally’ and whilst the scene may be fictional, there’s a whole lot of truth in those words…
Harry: You realise of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way…No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too
Despite everything said, I continue to stand by the fact that if we can suppress any urge to sleep with our friends of the opposite sex, we can to some level maintain these platonic relationships, even if there is a physical yearning lying within one of you. It might not be the most healthy attitude, but it certainly works – for now that is… and thus, I give you 5 ways to maintain a platonic relationship with a girl:
Don't lead her on
She might not be blameless in this, but women’s minds have a way of changing in a heartbeat, commit one random act of kindness and she could fall for you. If you’re constantly calling her for relationship advice or ‘just to chat’ it’s pretty likely she’s going to start having feelings for you, even if she doesn’t realise it right away, so think about what you’re doing gents before you lose a friend.
Don't share the same bed
This might sound ridiculous, but so many of us still do it, even into our late 20s. After a house party, on a weekend away with friends or summer holidays where you end up just ‘falling into the same bed’ after a wine-fuelled dinner. What you see as nice company or morning cuddles can set alarm bells off in her head – and once they start, there’s no proven way to turn them off.
Assess each other's situations
If she has a boyfriend you should probably take a step back, even if it is her that’s always calling or coming over for Sunday hangouts, a gentleman would never tread on another man’s toes. If you have a girlfriend then think how she feels about your situation and act accordingly. Equally, if you have even the slightest inclination that one of you is falling for the other then it’s time to think about boundaries (see below).
Create boundaries
If you feel like the line of your platonic friendship is becoming blurry then perhaps it’s time to create some boundaries – we’re not saying end the friendship, but small boundaries such as only meeting in public places, socialise only with other friends around you and no more late night phone calls might be a good place to start.
Don't do the deed
The most glaringly obvious, yet oh so often ignored, way of keeping your friendship platonic is quite simply: Do. Not. Have. Sex. With. Your. Best. Friend. Do not “accidentally kiss” on a night out and certainly do not sleep together. Sounds simple, but if I had a tenner for every time a friend told me whilst cringing over a Bloody Mary that they and said best friend “sort of just slept together last night, but it’s fine – we’re best friends”… well put it this way, I could afford that pearl necklace without having to listen to the wisdom that comes with it.
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