20 things only British people understand
Words: Gentleman's Journal
There are certain things that happen within our British culture that only we understand. So when we smile slyly, scoff loudly or give a look of daggers in your direction, don’t attempt to understand it. It’s a code that has been in existence for years and will be for many more to come. Here are 20 things that only British people will understand.
1. You may think that we are being pernickety when in a foreign country when we are ordering our tea. This is because a black tea with lemon/cream/or whatever other strange ingredient you want to add is not tea. It’s PG Tips/Tetleys/Earl Grey or English breakfast tea if we must. And we want it with milk. THIS IS ALL. Furthermore, people who put sugar in said tea should rethink everything.
2. A sternly worded letter is the best way to deal with any wrong doing.
3. It is a cardinal sin to stand on the left of the escalator on the London Tube. You will get huffed, scoffed or tutted at by locals and you must accept this. You are in the wrong.
4. Irony and sarcasm are our best friends. They get us through the day. Said irony and sarcasm is particularly enjoyed when conversing with someone that doesn’t get it. There is some real fun to be had there.
5. Saying you don’t like a haircut when the barber asks you at the end is an absolute no no. If you don’t like it, you simply nod, go home and complain to anyone that will listen.
6. Nature programmes are only worth watching if they are narrated by David Attenborough.
7. When someone says, “I’m just going for one” about frequenting a bar or pub, this should never be taken literally. One turns into five, which takes you from going ‘out’ to ‘out out’. Next thing you know, you are waking up at a friend’s house, clothes still on and the smell of take away in your hair.
8. The underdog is always preferable to the person with actual talent.
9. Stage school children are nightmarish and precocious not “ones to watch for the future”. Simmer down.
10. You’re mad if Stephen Fry isn’t one of your “people you would invite to a dinner party”.
11. It was a genuine surprise when our Olympic Opening Ceremony turned out to be ‘not awful’. In fact, it was actually kind of great, a phenomenon that had us talking for days.
12. The warm weather is a legitimate talking point. If the weather is hot, well just don’t expect us to bother talking about anything else.
13. People that are excessively noisy are annoying and can be dealt with accordingly by offering a stern look in their direction.
14. Talking about yourself in a positive way is a truly daunting task. In fact, we would rather not talk about ourselves at all thank you very much.
15. The Best Man’s Speech is the most important part of a wedding. Any reaction but sending guests into a fit of raucous laughter is deemed an absolute failure.
16. We do not deem talking to us on public transport as polite and friendly. We will assume you are out to scam or rob us. Keep yourself to yourself buddy.
17. It was a big deal for us to say to the barman, “no, I think he was first.” If we don’t get a thanks after we will be utterly disheartened.
18. Throwing in an apology even if it isn’t your fault is the best way to diffuse a situation so you can both quickly go your separate ways.
19. When the sun is out (even for what might seem to other nationalities as a split second), it is perfectly acceptable to be drinking a glass of Pimms.
20. Going to the doctor is a trip reserved for only the most severe of illnesses.
By Victoria Gardiner
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